I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How's work?
Spinning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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