I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
