While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
