I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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