Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
