You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
