I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
