you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
