Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
