It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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