I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
