Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so let's talk penis.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
