I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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