Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
