When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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