im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
