DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
