Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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