do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
