Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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