I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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