I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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