genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
