Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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