Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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