if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
