Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
