Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
