I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
