3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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