Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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