When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the day after is always just damage control
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
