I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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