so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
