I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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