My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
