I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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