Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
