don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
