Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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