he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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