I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
barbara walters just said penis...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
