She is in my trunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
