mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
