i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
