Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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