Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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