So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
