it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
