I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
