I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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