oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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