he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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