Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
