Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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