yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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