so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Come see our sink grown plant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
