i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
