Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
