I wish my penis had an off switch
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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