Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Shame - the story of my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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