what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
