yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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