can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
