I puked a lego.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
