why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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