I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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