Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
