Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
