JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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