I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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