I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
