I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
sarcasm needs its own font
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
