How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
