You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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