are you still at the devil's house?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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